Well, well. It’s 2025. Another new year, another set of resolutions to ignore! I have likely previously written about how I don’t do resolutions because my inner rebel will ensure I do the opposite of anything promised. However, I have been learning to trust myself and follow through. And I have decided it’s time for a New Year’s Resolution: To Be Big!
How will I do this? Sharing my ideas and life. Taking up space. Not taking shit from people. Putting myself first. No longer minimising myself.
Why I Need A New Year’s Resolution.
This blog is about learning to live more slowly while still chasing dreams and living a big life. And slow progress is better than no progress. However, I’ve taken slow progress to a whole new level when it comes to putting myself first. I even used a coach to learn how to this year! The usual pattern is that I start to follow through on ideas but never fully immerse myself in what I’m doing. I get caught up in other things or with people and plans, and I let myself get in the way of what I want to achieve.
For example, I soft-launched two service businesses last year and barely worked on them. I start new hobbies but never take the time to get really good at them. I’ve always said I was busy, and I truly am, but I’m not too busy. If I am, then I am not prioritising correctly. Maybe, instead, it’s fear of rejection, failure, or embarrassment at being ‘seen’.
I have little bursts of motivation and courage and then retreat because it is all too much. Imposter syndrome kicks in. Self-sabotage shows up as its teammate. Before I know it, another few months of procrastination have passed without real progress. There’s a little progress, but at the rate I’m going, I might just have a fully fledged business in a decade. Ironically, this is exactly what I’m good at helping others do!
Self-sabotage erodes your self-confidence and self-esteem, and affects your relationships with others. With every failed attempt to do the thing you want, you “prove” to yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t do it.
– MindTools
What’s Changing?
I need to prove to myself that I can trust myself as I am. There’s been a bit of a weird shift throughout my 20s and 30s, and I find myself coming full circle to my authentic self. That feels like a twatty phrase, but let me explain. Anyone who has worked in corporate environments knows that you can start to play a sort of character. I always felt that I was true to myself as I have always been honest, giving (quite frankly, unwanted) opinions, and allowed my full, silly personality to show.
However, when I stopped working earlier this year, I realised how much of the professionalism I showed at work had entered my real life. I speak with a tone that is calm, consistent, and maybe overly professional. Very handy in an argument! I write texts and emails as if they’re going to be used against me later, put disclaimers in my voice notes, and mediate any conversation I’m in. I’m proud of those skills and pleased that I can always accept all perspectives, but I have found that my own views get watered down, and I’m working to make others feel comfortable at the detriment of my comfort.
What Do I Have To Prove?
I have always been honest, opinionated, and stood for what I believe in, but over the years I see that I was treating everyone like stakeholders – as if I had to be so careful how I say things. A lot of this has to do with social media and cancel culture too of course, which I wrote about here. But since when are my family and friends stakeholders in my life in that way? Why do I feel I need to justify my actions to others? And why am I so polite to bloody rude strangers?
This year, I am choosing peace. By this, I don’t mean allowing myself to shrink or ignore things to make things easier for myself or others. I mean allowing my full self to be and exist. Internal peace. I no longer want to constantly overthink situations or conversations, or even made-up perceptions. Life is too short for all of this tip-toeing. This year I want to stomp!
Now, this is a wellbeing and personal development blog, and I’m aware that my rambling may appear to be from a place of hurt or unwillingness to care for others. However, I think the problem is that I care too much. I am always the first to think that a rude individual is just having a tough day, or that I’m being treated badly due to someone else’s personal issues. But why on earth have I accepted that, and allowed other people’s problems to affect the way I am?
My New Year’s Resolution 2025
Being in my late 30s, I can see how I have people-pleased my way through 20 years, changing from an outspoken teenager who could be inconsiderate to going so far the other way while trying to be better that I ended up being stepped all over.
I guess what I’m saying is that the more I age, the more I’ve enjoyed learning how to just be again. Worrying less about how others perceive me or if I am going to offend somebody. We are all judged either way, so what difference does it make? This year in particular, I have made a promise to myself to stay true to who I am and what I want, and not let myself be minimised in any way just to make life easier for others.
It’s my turn to have an easy life. To live freely and embarrassingly!
This year, I will be working on taking up space and teaching myself to recognise those old minimising techniques and patterns and learning to push through them anyway. It’s not the most easily measurable goal, but I believe it will have a huge impact on my life.
So here is to being BIG in 2025! I will be taking up ALL the space!
Happy New Year! I hope you have a fantastic 2025!
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