I didn’t see it coming, but Jimmy Carr unexpectedly inspired me recently. I came across a TikTok video (that’s right, I won’t pretend I read it somewhere from now on!) and he used this term, ‘life dysmorphia’. I hadn’t heard it before, but he made a really good point about how we look back and long for what we were or had in times gone by. I have practiced gratitude for years and have always had what some refer to as PMA (Positive Mental Attitude). I find the small joys in every moment, deal with life’s messes pretty well, and always look for a good outcome. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes feel frustrated by it all!
What is Life Dysmorphia?
In the same way that body dysmorphia is looking at what should be different about the way you look, life dysmorphia is about being so focused on the flaws in your life that you don’t fully notice it’s blessings.
The example Jimmy Carr used was hot showers. Can you believe just 100 years ago that wasn’t a thing for most people? We can just jump in and a few minutes later get to be clean and feel fresh. I will never forget being told about my Grandad having to walk to get water, and then filling up a tin bath that had to be shared with all 7 siblings and parents. I’m definitely grateful to have clean (possibly contaminated, but that’s for another post!) running water! And on that note, I’m also grateful for indoor toilets!
The point is, we live like Kings and Queens compared to what they had. Don’t get me wrong, the state of the world can be scary and awful, but we forget how good we have it in other ways.
How many people do you come across in older age that say they wished they appreciated what they had; their bodies, their partners, their experiences.
Do you suffer with Life Dysmorphia?
- Are you consistently disappointed with life?
- Do you compare yourself with others and feel your life is inferior and not as good as others?
- Do you suffer from imposter syndrome?
- Are you often feeling lost and without purpose?
Is your life actually a bit rubbish?
Sometimes, when we’re having a bad day, it stems from how it started. You wake up and make a nice hot drink, but spill it as soon as you sit down, you clean that and drop something else, you get dressed and your top is on backwards (just me?), work is tough, you’re grumpy when you get home and then that’s rubbish too. You go to bed and hope for a better tomorrow.
Well, life can get a little bit like that too. When something bad happens, you start to collect evidence that your life is bad. “Bad things come in threes, I’m waiting for the next”. Who’s heard or said that phrase before?
However, when you’re feeling more positive, you can take the bad alongside it. You collect positive moments instead. You got up, the sun was shining, your first coffee was perfect, the baby didn’t wake until you’d had a good rest, and so on. It makes all the difference! One bad thing happens and you’re suddenly an ‘oh well’ type of person.
For example, there are some colleagues that really get on your nerves and you’re so focused on their wrongdoings that you forget the lovely ones that helped you, gave you a compliment, or the one that offered you a tea (my fave type of colleague).
Or, your marriage isn’t as exciting as it used to be, but you have security, stability and trust. Some things you can change to make life better, but being present and grateful for what you have changes your perspective and actually allows you to do so in a positive way.
The main point is: in 20 years time, would you give up everything you have to be the age you are now and have the health you have now? The likelihood is everyone would. So as much as life can be a bit crazy at times, we get used to how great it is, to the point where we can think our lives are terrible. Chances are it’s not as terrible as it seems.
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