My website name alone shows I’m a big believer in the benefits of tea. Now, there’s a new tea on the block, or rather a recycled one in new pink packaging. I present to you Flat Tummy Tea! All you have to do is have a cup of this each morning upon waking, while doing your pro-level makeup, styling your hair and jumping into your gym clothes and you’ll transform yourself so fast, people won’t recognise you!
It’s that simple! You have no excuse for any amount of body fat when teas like Flat Tummy Tea exist! At least, that’s what your favourite stars tell you. Obviously they let you know that you should do it alongside an insane amount of exercise, an expensive personal trainer, a super strict supermodel diet, and all the plastic surgery available to humankind. No? They don’t tell you that bit? It’s okay, you’re 30, you can work that out. But what if you were 20, or 16, or younger?
Think you can handle it?
Even if you’re okay with starving and exercise for hours daily (please don’t), or you do it all ‘right’, you will never quite look like the photos of your fave celebs. You know why? Because they’re not real!
Plastic surgery in Hollywood and amongst influencers is so overused that we’ve forgotten what non-enhanced people look like. Before the pumped up lips, and lifted up bums (no its not all squats – sorry!), the botox injections and the nose jobs, and then the Photoshop work and face hiding filters, these people looked just like you or I. Mere humans.
Growing old gracefully now seems to mean having only 3 operations by the time you’re 23.
Flat Tummy Tea
What does Flat Tummy Tea do? Gives you the shits. In a sentence. Click To Tweet
But what’s so wrong with a bit of diarrhea if it means you’ll have a flat tummy?
Well my poopy wannabes, Flat Tummy Tea works by flushing out the water inside you. That stuff that keeps you alive and hydrated. Once all that water has gracefully left your body, you will become dehydrated. As soon as you refill your body, the flat tummy feeling will disappear and so begins the expensive cycle.
You know when you’re sick and the next day you feel like you have a stomach with muscles again, then you finally manage to get some food to stay down and back to normal it is? That’s what this tea does.
No fat loss will occur by drinking tea. Just water and poop!
So I still get a flat tummy? Great!
You may well get a flat tummy for a few hours, but you certainly won’t get any long term results and that is the problem with these ads. It’s not that some teas don’t help you reduce your water weight a bit. It’s the false advertising from these so called influencers that rather than surgery arranged for them by their PR company and having their makeup and photoshopping done by a professional team, they are lying to fans about how they look the way they do.
Not only that, but the pressure to be more skinny, to look better or get fitter is so piled on that people literally make themselves ill to be it. People will spend a day on the toilet each week before they go out just to look alright for a picture for their Instagram. Is this honestly the best we can be as humans? All the technology, all of the women’s rights fights, all of the advances in society have all come down to this; pink packets of laxatives to make you look a bit flatter.
Effects of Flat Tummy Tea
Besides the instant health risks – nausea, diarrhea, cramping, and even bloating – there are long term affects to taking laxatives. I can’t call it tea anymore, it’s like blasphemy to me. If you read stories about people who have had eating disorders, you’ll know that they screwed up their insides and their minds for life. You’ll know that long term users suffer daily for life with things like digestive problems, cramps, dehydration, bleeding, and even kidney damage.
Your mental health and wellbeing will be put at great risk as you set out to achieve the unachievable.
Still want it?
That’s fine. The choice is yours to go down that route despite the obvious effects.
However, your perfect little sister or daughter, or cousin, or niece, or the children you see playing with hair and makeup at 13 and feel bad for that they can’t just be kids? Well, they’re on Instagram too. Little girls drawn to the pretty pink packaging held up by people they adore are more impressionable than you.
The packaging and use of lollipops to suppress appetite are all in aid of appealing to younger girls especially. These people are no marketing newbies. They know exactly what they’re doing and it’s a carefully planned strategy.
The use of shakes that look like protein powder is used is to trick people into thinking this is all about fitness rather than monetary gain.
Is it still okay for celebrities to market flat tummy tea? Are we okay with the fact that that they don’t even drink it, but just hold up packets, and probably put them straight in the bin rather than down the toilet a few hours later while writhing in cramp pain in the bathroom? Is it fine that people reaching millions of young women via their social media channels are willing to dupe their fans? The fans that made them the money they have today. The fans that fought over the PR created drama their fave celeb was involved in last week.
What do celebrities and influencers think of their fans?
Fuck all. If they are willing to show you Flat Tummy Tea and send a message that you need to be more skinny or promote a product that will do you much more harm than good, then you’re nothing to them. While you’re now worrying about your body and whether this ‘tea’ or the appetite suppressing lollipops could actually help you achieve your goals, they’re rolling in cash from the endorsement they did with just one picture on Instagram.
These celebrities and influencers are in no way just naive. They have teams of people setting up the endorsements for them. Their fans trust them and this is leveraged for endorsements and big payouts.
It’s time people fought back against this ridiculous celebrity culture and the self-obsessed Instagram knobheads and celebrate real people again.
It’s not you, it’s them.
To anyone tempted by Flat Tummy Tea or any other skinny tea; it’s not you, it’s them. So many women feel the pressure to look a certain way and if you do, that’s okay. What this article/giant rant is about is the influencers that are filling up your feeds with this nonsense. Those showing that they do not care one bit for their fans.
The same celebrities that talk about body positivity are the ones that are pushing the poisonous narrative that girls and women should be skinnier, and they’re doing so in the most harmful way while making money from your guilt and shame. You’ve been part of a marketing scandal, and it’s time they paid the price instead of you. With so many impressionable minds, and with social media already badly affecting the mental health of young girls, whether you’re for the shitty tea or not, those with big followings have to be held accountable for the damage they’re doing. They’re doing it for money they don’t need, this is pure greed at the expense of others.
Unfollow them. Don’t like their pictures. Don’t buy into the scam.
We feel rubbish sometimes all by ourselves and don’t need more reasons to.
Still want to get rid of some bloating? Have a cup of peppermint tea and it’ll do the same thing without the terrible side effects. Drink in moderation, as with everything you have and always drink plenty of water.Look after your body and mind responsibly, and the good feelings will come with it! Click To Tweet
Jameela Jamil has been fighting the good (place) fight on all of her social media channels and I cannot praise enough a celebrity that is willing to go against the toxic culture that a lot of them are part of!
It might seem an obvious thing to discourage, but you will not get many celebrities speaking up on these issues. Standing up against the crowd is not typical of celebrities and I’m so glad there’s someone who is willing to!
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