Film Review: Ted 2 (2015)


So I don’t ruin the end or tell everything that happens, but I have explained and commented on some scenes.

This is my first film review and anyone who already follows me knows my posts go a little like this. Structure structure blaaaaaaaaah! So ‘bear’ (yes I can spell, get the joke!) with me 🙂

So, Ted 2 is basically the same thing as Ted, but less funny. Is that a good enough review?

No, honestly. From the get go, I wasn’t impressed. Opening scene is Ted getting married to  the trashy Tami-Lynn. A little while on, they have a bad marriage and decide to have a child and make it all better, humanising Ted even more, as there are plenty of mad people who believe that works. The thing that dehumanises him is that he cannot physically have a child. Well, that’s a problem right there. So they decide to adopt. Unfortunately (or not), they are unable to adopt due to Ted not being deemed a person. Cue a helping hand from a pot-smoking (because they haven’t done that joke too many times) young lawyer on her first case to determine his status.

It sounds like it could be good, or the jokes will make it watchable. If you like the first film, you’ll know that the jokes are risque, they push boundaries and manage to take on the somewhat ‘dangerous’ jokes. It’s funny! I loved, okay liked and laughed at, the first film.
However, I think with the sequel, they lazily rested on well it’s a talking funny bear and he smokes weed. Yawn. We’re over the fact that he’s a talking bear by this film. We’re also over the fact that he smokes weed with his best bud. The film relies too heavily on that being a controversial topic. Ooh, the lawyer does it too? Woah, can you believe a professional is smoking in this film! Crazy! BORED!

We’ve never done it before, but me and my boyfriend were so bored, we just looked at each other and decided to go leave and actually do something fun rather than waste our evening. We didn’t laugh out loud once, maybe a little hmph kinda laugh a couple of times, but just about.

According to The Hollywood Reporter,  the top 5 ‘jokes’ in the film are as follows:

Tom Brady gets a bedtime surprise
Ted and Johnny (Walhberg) pay the quarterback a late-night visit in order to steal his sperm.

The whole scene was barely even mildly funny. They didn’t deliver it well at all.

Johnny slips
After he fails to impress the nurse at the sperm bank, porn-addicted Johnny finds himself in an even stickier situation when he stumbles near the cups of bodily fluid. 

Oh, another sperm joke. Yes, it’s about having a child so it will be involved. I don’t know if maybe I’m just too intelligent (must be it!) for semen and weed jokes? Again, it could be funny, but it was so predictable when they walked into the room that I’d already gotten over it when it happened.

Unusual term for white people
One of Ted’s co-workers refers to multiple Caucasian customers as “white n—s,” prompting Ted to inquire whether this is actually a thing.

This I thought was pretty funny actually.

A certain celeb meets friends in the bathroom
One scene with a celebrity cameo features a soft-spoken, A-list action star who has an issue in the grocery store. Even naughtier is an appearance by a famously clean-cut TV star who makes a surprising request in the bar bathroom.

I don’t even think I saw this bit. However, even the description of it happening doesn’t seem that funny to me. What’s the normal reaction to that scene? Oh that guy’s usually clean cut and he asked for drugs OMG so bad!

Flash explains why he can’t help
Ted wants Sam Jones, better known as Flash Gordon, to be the surrogate father of his child. Sadly, Jones is lacking in the swimmers department, and he apparently only has one sperm left. “Little fellow’s having his own I Am Legend in my nutsack,” Jones explains.

Hilarious? Am I missing something?!

So if you like jokes about weed and sperm and like to hear them constantly, like never ever get bored of them. You should go see this. However, if you’re up for actual comedy, don’t waste your money. In fact, if you fancy some Ted humour, just watch the first one again.
Looking back, I’m not even sure that’s funny – I need to watch it again – it may have just been funny because this cute little bear is a dick. But I’m over it.

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