Sometimes, when I say something that I actually think is quite meaningful, I am told it sounds like it’s straight out of Cosmo magazine!
To me, that’s a total insult. But over the years, I can see why men dislike this and many other popular women’s magazines.
I’m all for female empowerment, but at what cost?
Magazine and articles aimed at women generally talk about self empowerment, but what about when it comes to the men in our lives?
I tried a few Google searches with random questions that I thought people might look for online:
I realised that was quite a negative beginning to a sentence. So I tried more positive ones:
I typed ‘ I love him so much’
The first result? ‘8 signs you love him too much’.
I also tried ‘I miss my boyfriend’
I got ‘How to make your boyfriend miss you’
Can’t trust your boyfriend? It’s fine…there’s a quiz for all of these things!
I’m just worried that young girls and even fully grown women turn to the internet for answers, and this is what they’re met with. I don’t know about you, but if I spent the morning reading all of this, I’d probably feel completely enraged (possibly empowered!), but angry at my boyfriend, and probably over nothing. Maybe because I typed I missed him – ahem, okay I wouldn’t do that myself, but people clearly do as it’s a popular topic!
Can you imagine it the other way around?! Actually, I’m gonna pause there, and check!…
…It turns out, men asking the same questions usually have answers like ‘if she can’t see how great you are, move on’ Seems much more simple, quite reassuring really. That seems more empowering to me?
The point I’m getting at is that magazines and articles often make you feel bad about your relationship, even when you weren’t looking for advice. Either he’s not being good enough, or you’re not doing enough to keep him.
The article that made me want to write this was called ‘6 sure signs he’s not in love anymore’ – not sure how I just came across it, but I certainly was not looking for it, which is even more disheartening.
The reasons? (And my responses)
- He’s suddenly busy (Is there no chance of that being genuine?)
- Little things that used to bother him no longer do (Maybe he got over them for you?)
- If he turns his phone off, he’s probably cheating. (Great, if my boyfriend ever does this, I’ll be sure to end our entire relationship)
- This one really got me! – He doesn’t mind you going out, or what time you get home, etc. (I’m sure people moan when it’s the other way around?!)
- Conversations are blah – direct quote. He’s not sharing as much (This is the only one I could see anything in, but there could be so many other reasons)
- He lets you do ‘manly things’ by yourself (I can’t breathe!)
Whatever happened to good, real advice?
Why does he seem distant? It is (now I’m going to shock you here) possible that he is not cheating, and is just stressed. Maybe he’s not up for talking about it at the moment. Or maybe he’s not distant and you’re being a bit paranoid.
Why doesn’t he love me like he used to? Maybe he thought he was allowed to finally relax a bit with someone who loves him for him, not for what he does for you?
People say it’s all about trust. Of course that is very important, but you can find yourself not trusting somebody for no reason at all. I think communication is the key to working things out. Ask him! Don’t question it and let your heart do somersaults. Try to understand that they may have more going on than just you – I’m guilty of thinking it’s all about me! Communicate and you will know.
I just wish people could be themselves and not constantly have to work on themselves to be with a particular person. I thought that was the point of finding the ‘right’ person? Trying to be better for someone is great, but trying to be different will only make you resent them.
I’m not claiming to be any sort of relationship expert, but how about treat each other with respect, care for each other, and make sure the person you love knows you love them back. Let the person you care about be themselves. And communicate! That’s a good start, surely?
Magazines and online articles seem as if they are there only to point out the negatives. I know it makes for good journalism, but hanging on their every word can be more dangerous then helpful. They can make people who weren’t even questioning their relationship completely rethink their situation. They have power over females. Have you ever seen an article in a woman’s magazine that tells her she is just being paranoid and stupid? They’re all about making women feel empowered and strong (and right of course!). This is great, but sometimes realistic advice would be better.
P.S. I still have a subscription to Cosmo!